Met with some resistance
Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing a good friend of mine, Matthew Homann for my TRE podcast. Matthew is with Filament a cool company I highly recommend you check out. We met years ago but have never actually seen each other in person. Our video recording was actually our first face-to-face meeting ever.
Something I find super cool is Matthew and I have Rippled for years via, hold on to your seats, the phone! Turns out, these things in our pockets that help us see the last cool kid pics on Insta also let us communicate with other people with just our voice.
Ironic since this month’s Ripple theme is FINDING YOUR VOICE, eh?
Anyway, he and I had a fantastic chat I can’t wait for you to hear. His episode will be out in a few weeks, so be sure to subscribe via Apple Podcasts or any of the major platforms to get notified when it drops.
But that’s not why I’m writing this. It was something that came up during our conversation that never left me this weekend.
We touched on the resistance we often face from others when we’re starting something new. You know, the doubters in our life that have reasons why you shouldn’t try to find a new job, or go back to school, or start a company. We talked about how some people think they’re being helpful by offering an opinion, but sometimes their motivation isn’t actually about protecting YOU, but themselves.
I naturally raised the jealousy point - others don’t want to see you become successful because they aren’t as daring or willing to take the chances you are. I see this in a lot of relationship dynamics. People are threatened by other people’s growth. So rather than support someone who wants to take a big step forward in their life, they try to talk them out of it because that other person’s growth is a poor reflection of their own.
It’s like, “If I’m not growing, then neither should you.”
But Matthew had a different take on it, one I actually really loved. In his opinion, people get comfortable in knowing others a certain way. Many people are adverse to change and they like predictability. So when you come to the table to explain your plan to shake things up, they get nervous because, if successful, you won’t be the same person anymore.
Their frame of reference for who you are, the kind of friend, family member or co-worker you are right now suddenly has to shift. That makes some people very uncomfortable.
I loved his perspective. And you know what? He’s right. As I thought about this conversation this weekend, I started going back in my mind to so many situations where I could see this as a possibility. From my first “real” boss to several friends and even family members who didn’t want to see me go. They threw up roadblocks and objections so I would doubt myself and perhaps stop wanting to wander beyond the boundaries. They were trying to keep me contained because my desire to change threatened the status quo.
Whenever we verbalize our intentions or take action to make a change in our lives, we may experience resistance from others who try to dissuade us from doing it. Some may even try to block us by raising doubt and creating fear of failure.
It might seem selfish, but if you look at it through a different lens, it’s actually a compliment.
They like the way you are right now, and if you change, they fear you will outgrow them as a friend, colleague, or even a spouse.
Finding your voice and standing up to do what’s best for your life, career, or growth can be a challenge. But resistance is good. It tests your metal for how badly you really want something. I’ve sometimes been triggered into being angry and frustrated when people are naysayers to my ambitions. I felt that bubble up when I sat with these thoughts this weekend.
Thanks to Matthew, though, I won’t do that anymore. I’ll remember that resistance is really insecurity. And if people are important enough to me, I’ll let them know I won’t leave them behind when I grow. Friends don’t do that.